Comments on: Passive-Aggression is not Cruciformity

By: timgombis

timgombis — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 20:16:14 +0000

Cheers, Dan!

By: Dan Jr.

Dan Jr. — Fri, 03 Aug 2012 19:59:58 +0000

I echo the Dan Allender resource. I’ve used his cues for years in community. A new resource I’ve been using is the “Virtue of Dialogue in Conversation” by Christopher Smith. Christine Pohl’s new book “Living into Community” indirectly speaks to this as well.

Peace.

By: timgombis

timgombis — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:27:16 +0000

Great, thanks, Sharad!

By: timgombis

timgombis — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:26:57 +0000

Great point, Dave. Perhaps even Paul’s “speech-in-character” in Romans 7 is an example.

I’ll have to give that some thought, since the surface phenomenon may be somewhat similar (“you know that . . .”) to passive-aggression, but the relational dynamic and the social impact will be quite different. It’ll be helpful to parse out that distinction a bit more, though . . .

By: timgombis

timgombis — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:24:13 +0000

That’s just it, Linda–I think everyone would agree that it shouldn’t be in our churches, families, etc., but it’s just so darn subtle! I know that for me, some of my relationships tend toward those postures and I have to resist it with all my might. It’s just one way we’re broken–and by “we” I’m thinking of especially white, middle-class suburbanite Christians. Certainly at Midtown many of us spent our work-week in a culture dominated by such relational dynamics!

By: timgombis

timgombis — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:21:56 +0000

Well-put, Jordan! Indeed, purposeful, intentional love and respect for the other counter passive-aggressive (self-)destruction.

By: Sharad Yadav

Sharad Yadav — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:16:05 +0000

I like a lot of the stuff Dan Allender writes in a book called “The Healing Path”, which really nails this kind of pain-avoidance strategy of emotional numbing that is often construed as “trusting God”. Sometimes the prose is a bit cheesy, but very good stuff.

By: Dave Livermore

Dave Livermore — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 19:08:13 +0000

As usual, you’ve raised a thoughtful, interesting topic Tim. Have you encountered the idea of “double voiced discourse”? One of the things I have a hard time getting a handle on is when is behavior “passive-agressive” and when is it an appropriate, culturally constructed way of communicating?

You appropriately focused your post on U.S. suburban, middle-class churches. But as you know (that’s ‘double voiced discourse by the way), when we move into other cultural contexts, what may appear to be “passive aggressive” or “manipulate” may actually be something else entirely.

Just a thought…

By: Linda

Linda — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 18:54:36 +0000

I have admired at church (Midtown) the way you have handled/defused situations that could have become tense due to passive-aggression. Churches are no place for this kind of behavior as it does nothing but create a sense of Us-Them and I-it-ness, when we should be simply We, the Beloved of God.

By: Jordan Wood (@JordanWood)

Jordan Wood (@JordanWood) — Tue, 31 Jul 2012 17:40:07 +0000

Passive aggression is the ever present enemy of direct, loving communication. In my experience, a person who adopts a posture of passive aggression shifts the burden of relational extension from themselves onto those around them. An atmosphere of passive aggression removes the possibility of honest, incarnational relationship by pitting one against another in quiet, unenunciated hostility. It seems to me that only an unwavering commitment to mutual love that springs into respect and trustworthy communication can overcome the poison of passive aggression.

I look forward to your upcoming posts, Tim .